Waking Up in the Negative

When I wake up on the days that my sweet boy isn't with me, I wake up in the negative.  I know there will not be that smiling face with crazy morning hair peeking around the corner at me.  I know that the pajamacan will not have to visit our house that morning.  (For your own edification, there are 2 pajamacans:  Fred - the evening pajamacan, and Sam - the morning pajamacan.  These monsters come to gobble up little boys and girls who either refuse to put on their jammies - evening, or refuse to take them off and put on day clothes - morning.)  I know I won't have to convince someone that it is cold outside and thus he must wear socks and shoes and a coat.  There will not be any waffle, pancake, or cinnamon toast preparation; no little blue Star Wars cups on the counter; no 4 year old giggles.  These days I wake up in the negative.

Usually I'm able to recall the laundry list of things I have to be thankful for, and I perk up.  I watch a few videos of him laughing or skiing or chasing Lucy and I'm good.  I know I'm not too far from JE snuggles!

But lately with the current status of our country, pulling myself out of the negative has been increasingly difficult.  I am ashamed at the distasteful way people speak to each other on social media, on the phone, and even in person. I can't help but think my mom would have washed their mouths out with soap.  I think she would have washed many of our elected officials' mouths out with soap!  And corrected their grammar!!!  I am embarrassed at the joke our government has become.  I feel like there are overgrown preschoolers in suits running around in Washington.  Actually, I think my son's class is better behaved.

Is anyone else horrified?  This is just plain human decency that has flown out the window.  I was embarrassed when the Republican Congress refused to even entertain a hearing on Merrick Garland (who would have been a voice of reason and brilliance on the Supreme Court), and I fear there will be more Democrats stalling like children who want to go outside to play but refuse to put on their snow clothes.  Gorsuch isn't a bad guy.  In fact, he's strikingly similar to who he'd be replacing, Scalia, who was a strict constructionist.  While I do not agree with that viewpoint, it is nice to know that there are those who believe so passionately about the very fabric of which the Constitution was written on, that they will fight to keep it "as is."  The balance is key.  Are we looking for entertainment?  In our Government?!?!?!  We shouldn't be.  

Is anyone as concerned as I am about the wielding of power with a pen and a paper?  Some used a pen and a phone, which I disagreed with as well, but for now, no one will stay on the phone long enough to get anywhere.  Our branches of government were created to facilitate balance.  It was not intended to be adversarial.  Unfortunately though, Congress is fighting like children on the playground, our President is acting like a 2 year old who isn't getting his way, or is it a teenager who thinks the world revolves around them and they can say whatever they want without consequence, and we're letting them, and so many of the people are either sitting idly by hoping it will go away or calling each other names once would have made us shutter.

My parents taught me that I have to earn respect, not demand it.  My parents taught me to be classy and respectful of others.  My parents taught me to give full breadth and grace to others.  When I was teaching, a committee I was on was working on a civics project for the school.  We came up with R.E.S.P.E.C.T.:  Remember Each Student Practices Etiquette, Caring and Tolerance.  Maybe we should become students of our children.  My son doesn't see color or religion.  My son doesn't think his Hispanic, Asian, or Middle Eastern friends are any different than he is.  All he wants to do is be their friend.  If he sees another child in the store and doesn't get to introduce himself and become their "friend," he is saddened.  Our children have a never-ending pool of love and openness.  And while it is our job as parents to protect them from unforeseen dangers, I think it is also our job to learn from them what we have lost as we have aged.  There is joy in a pile of Legos.  They are different colors, sometimes come from different building sets, and don't always fit perfectly together.  But in the end, they make a magical toy that can take you anywhere.

When I wake up in the negative and I cannot get out, I think about my little boy and what his ever so innocent life can teach me.  It's not always immediate and it may take half the day, but putting the proverbial Legos together, a beautiful picture may be the result.

Let Us Not Grow Weary...

I am exasperated, weary and alarmed.  I am sure many of us are.  We are on Day 11 and even now I am horrified at what I am seeing and hearing.  I am horrified at how people are treating each other.  I am horrified that we've lost respect for each other so much so that some find it acceptable to judge people based on who they voted for.  I am horrified that people consider it acceptable to break the law in violent fashion in order to protest.  I am horrified that the man sitting in the Oval Office believes it is acceptable to attempt to rule instead of lead.

I am at a loss as to what could come next.  Will our great nation fall apart at the seams?  Will an elected official be the undoing of a nation that has withstood two World Wars, a Civil War, slavery, segregation, planes flying into buildings and the senseless murder of innocent children?  How can one man wield that much power?

I am an optimist.  I look for the silver lining.  I look for, and hope for, the good in someone, and if I can't find it, I try to view their lives in whole and find some good somewhere on their behalf.  It's who I am at my core and it is how my parents raised me.  It is part of who I am as a Christian.  I set out to mentally find the good:  he's a daddy; he's a grandpa; he is someone's son and someone's husband.  At some point in his life, he likely played with Legos as my little boy does.  Maybe he learned to snow ski like my son.  He likely climbed into the lap of his mother when he was tired or didn't feel good.  He learned to ride a bike.  He went to kindergarten.  At some point in his life, he was just a little boy.  But somewhere along the lines someone ratified his misconceptions that it is acceptable to treat people as second class citizens:  women, people who look differently than he does, those who hold different religious beliefs, individuals with disabilities.  I don't know who it was but it makes me sad for him.  Like so many of those who came before me in the South, the culture said it was alright for a black woman to sit at the back of the bus, while the little girl she was accompanying to the ice cream parlor, sat in front.  Somewhere along the lines, the line between what is right and wrong at the core became blurred.

I believe as a country we are dangerously close to losing that distinction ourselves.

I believe now is the the time to resist the urge to scream and yell and call people names.  I may want to rant and rave at the lack of leadership he is exhibiting, and point out that he is ruling instead of leading; something our President is not called to do.  But then again, when did yelling get us anywhere?

I think now is the time to do good. Now is the time to show acceptance where we are told not to.  I believe now is the time to gently ask open ended questions to our brothers and sisters who disagree with us instead of unilaterally determining they are uneducated or stupid.  Now is the time to persevere even more in loving one another.

Honestly, I'm not to the point of accepting him as President.  I would like to say I can support him even though I didn't vote for him.  But I cannot.  So I will continue to look at him and try to see the little boy he once was; to look at him through the eyes of his mama, and maybe I'll be able to have a little more patience.  I will not agree with him.  I will not accept this as normal.  I will not ratify an "order" that broadly bans people who are in need (and have been vetted and granted green cards, visas, or refugee status after a 2 year process) from coming to our country.  I will not say it's okay that the person who is supposed to be the spokesman for our country, speaks with disdain, disrespect and poor grammar.  I will tell my son it is perfectly fine to disagree with him, to not like him, and to resist the implications that it is okay to discriminate against others.  I will also however, encourage my son to look for the good in him, regardless of how long it takes to find.  He is after all, a grandpa and my son knows what a grandpa is.

"Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary." (Galatians 6:9)

Maybe if we can walk through this above reproach, our great nation will come out on the other side of the tumult in a better place.  Maybe.